It’s difficult to describe just how bad the game is, because it’s one of those things so unbelievably abominable that one has to experience it for oneself. That reliance is soon revealed to be a terrible, terrible mistake. With a narrative and characters that have all the dimensions of a sheet of paper, the game really needs to rely on its thrilling spy action to remain interesting.

Great news for moronic dicks everywhere, but bad news for anybody else. Frankly, he comes across as a moronic dick no matter how you “choose” to play him. The characters aren’t compelling in the least, the narrative is convoluted and feels completely alienated from the overall experience, and Agent Thorton himself is a rather dull character who doesn’t seem to change all that much regardless of your dialog choices. However, Alpha Protocol‘s story never gets very interesting, rendering all the clever narrative tricks rather worthless.

How you speak to characters, who you choose to kill, and how you perform your missions can all have an effect on the game, and for once they’re effects that you can actually feel throughout the course of the game, with long-standing repercussions for your decisions. In this regard, Obsidian has certainly done something right. The game is designed for multiple playthroughs, as the story can change with every choice you make. As Agent Mike Thorton, you join the ranks of the Alpha Protocol, a clichéd clandestine organization that specializes in deniable ops.

The game is split fairly evenly between token RPG efforts and third-person action, although it’s clear that this is far more of an action game than it is a roleplaying one.

Alpha Protocol is a mess, and that’s putting it kindly. It looks and feels every bit like a game that has been subjected to patches, fixes and panicked over-development, yet still managed to hit its (perpetually postponed) deadline without being finished. In fact, it’s absolutely dreadful and it should not have been released in the state it’s in. If you want to save time, let’s get this out in the open right now - Alpha Protocol isn’t very good.

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